Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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