The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
