I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
