I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Pants are for mortals
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
