i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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