I am puke
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
