saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize