Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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