She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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