final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
