NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
