If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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