the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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