My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I AM VODKA MAN
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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