I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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