jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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