I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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