$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
