She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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