i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
