He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
