If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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