In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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