So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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