We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
