Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
