i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sorry my hands just texted you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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