guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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