I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish I only lived at night.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
