Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
