dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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