I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
