you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
