I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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