I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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