Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize