her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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