I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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