how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
