we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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