I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Need sex. Gaining weight.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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