he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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