SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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