so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
