nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
