I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
