At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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