I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
