i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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