I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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