Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
