TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
