See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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