so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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