Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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