I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
