dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize